I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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