Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
