Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The power of my boobs compel you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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