Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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