I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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