So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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