i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize