oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
