Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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