Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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