How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
