i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
