i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
