The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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