some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
