I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize