I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
