you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
