Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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