Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
