why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
