If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
