who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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