im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
