I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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