All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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