I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
