Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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