guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
