So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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