Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
