I feel like abortions should bother me more
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
