508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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