Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
