You work out of a Hotel?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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