Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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