So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
