I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
