So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think your dad took our porno
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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