mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
