im six kinds of drunk right now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
