im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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