cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
