So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize