Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
