i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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