i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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