Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
