could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
