smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
