you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
