Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
