So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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