Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
