um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
