If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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