So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
