I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
