That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
