Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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