Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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