he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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