Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
