remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im holly from the hills drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
