She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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