....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
