Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Boobs speak an international language.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
