found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
