Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
