Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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