So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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