Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
