How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
