I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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