I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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