I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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