i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
