I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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