My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
