What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
