I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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