i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize