dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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