Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
