i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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