If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
