he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
