Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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