Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
