it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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