i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
