i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
