you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
