man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
