you guys were way drunker than both of me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
