I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize