just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
