Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
