Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The adults are the big ones right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
