Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
