drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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