Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
