i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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