really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you bring me the toilet please
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize