I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
